There are these times in my life when I look back on everything that's happened in the past several years and wonder if it all really happened for a reason. It's interesting when something happens to you and all anyone can tell you is "It happened for a reason." I hate that phrase because when those same people who told you in your moment of absolute pain or fear or grief that it happened for a reason have something happen to them, they want you to be upset for them. And you try to, even though all you really want to say is "It happened for a reason. Remember when you said that to me? Does this feel like it happened for a reason?"

The night before my grampy passed away, I was bit restless; pacing my bedroom waiting for a phone call from my mum with the worst of news, typing anxiously my reactions to hearing the phone ring in the first place and my mum saying she had to go up to the hospital, that they had moved him from the nursing home to the ER. I remember falling asleep at one point and when I woke up, calling my mom and asking for any news. And I remember her telling me that he had passed away.

I can't recall everything I felt at that point, but at first, I didn't cry. It came as a shock because my grampy, essentially the strongest man I ever knew, still alive for just over 81 years after smoking his whole life had just died. That was strange. I used to think he was too tough to die, that it was him against the world and goddamnit, the world would always lose. Not on May 17th, though. He lost the fight and we lost him. I remember several people in the days after that telling me it happened for a reason.

It's infinitely interesting how things "happen for a reason" but nobody can ever give you a reason. And if they can, it's never very good, is it? When someone in your life passes away, it's always "I'm sure they're in a better place." I know people mean well, but at the same time, I wish a response like that wasn't so conditioned in people that they just say it. I wish there were more thoughtful responses than that, ones that made sense and made everyone feel better. Maybe I over-analyse things, but it's 2009 and I can't afford not to. If I don't, then I run the risk of misunderstanding and finding myself lost in translation. Clarity is so important because people make mistakes so often as a result of not getting things clarified.

It was startling, the day my grampy died and there was no clarity for me for several weeks after that and I still think that when it comes to grief, there is nothing to clarify. Grief is grief and you can't clarify it with "It happened for a reason." Even if it did, who is going to say "Oh, thank you so much for that, I feel so much better" in their lowest of low moments? Read More